La La Lie
by CharlieSchulz
Summary: Snogging is one of the many things James and Sirius pride themselves at being good at. Unfortunately for Lily, all the women at Hogwarts want to know which one is the True King Of Kisses.
1. The Beginning

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter and if I did…well neither James Potter nor Sirius Black would have been killed…**

It was a dare. One stupid, awful dare that started the entire mess. But Lily Evans never refuses dares, so she took it.

It all started one particular Tuesday, it was the 1st of September and Lily and her friends were all in The Great Hall, eating the feast. Lily was with her two closest friends, Kathleen Darn and Hayley Pritchard. Lily, who had already got over the delight of being made prefect, was now doing something prefects shouldn't do. She was playing a round of Truth or Dare with her friends and now it was Hayley's turn.

She was asking Lily truth or dare and Lily immediately chose dare-having already admitted that her middle name was Aquarius the turn before.

"Alright Ms. Horoscope," giggled Hayley as Lily began to get frustrated by the amount of time she took to select a dare, "I dare you to…to….HAH! I've got it! I dare you to walk up to The Marauder's and kiss James Potter right on the mouth."

Lily's eyes widened, as did Kathleen's. Lily hated him with a passion and Kathleen knew him since birth, they were almost family and she was always disgusted by the fact that some people would like James that way. It was simply bizarre as far as she was concerned.

"Please, Hail!! I'll do anything! Please, don't make me kiss him!" pleaded Lily, her eyes darting to a couple seats down where the infamous Marauders sat-probably planning some huge prank for the next morning.

"Yah Hayley, that's gross," Kathleen remarked, wrinkling up her nose in disgust.

Hayley sighed and looked into Lily's eyes. There was so much sadness in them she had to take pity on her.

"Fine, fine! I just thought it'd be amusing to watch that's all," she raked her brain and finally came up with a suitable and almost worse replacement, "Kiss Sirius Black then! Yah, you heard me," she replied to Lily's look of confusion and disgust, "Either Black or Potter-I don't care. Either one would be equally amusing to watch." Kathleen still looked disgusted and said in a shrilly voice,

"Eugh I am so glad you got this dare Lil. I don't think I could stomach it-they're like my brothers or something." Lily just gave her a dark look and glanced up at the teacher's table. Her eyes immediately connected with Professor McGonagall's and she took a deep breathe. Gritting her teeth she stood up and marched over to where the Marauders were sitting.

As she approached them, Black's eyes caught hers and he grinned-nudging Potter. Lily immediately felt the notion of motion sickness, something she hadn't felt in years, and promptly threw up all over Frank Longbottom.

Her eyes widened as she took in Frank, his saddened face and his clothes covered in greenish brown chunks. "I'm so sorry Frank, so sorry! O my gosh I can't even…I'm so sorry…here," she preformed a cleaning charm on the barf and it vanished, just as the entire Gryffindor house burst into laughter, "Again I'm sorry, but I have to continue on my journey." She got a rather misty look in her eye and continued into her speech-which sounded like gibberish to poor Frank, "If I stop now I'll lose the nerve and pride of the great people before me. So now I say, Adieu!" She walked father down the table towards the laughing Marauders and Frank replied in a strained voice,

"Umm….alright….bye Lily….having a bath….oh, shut up Alice," he added to his hysterical girlfriend next to him as she broke into yet another round of giggles.

Although the Hall was not silent most people's eyes still followed Lily as she walked up to the Marauders and stood directly behind James Potter and Sirius Black.

"Hey Evans," greeted Potter, snorting into his pudding, "Come here to throw up on us too? Cause I'd really rather if you didn't…" Lily glared at him and all the other boys as they laughed, and she felt her face heat up slightly.

"Umm…Black?" she asked awkwardly. The boy in question turned around, laughter still in his eyes and a huge grin on his face,

"I don't know what I've done but I'd prefer if you'd throw up on James he's the sarcastic-" Lily cut him off with her lips and the entire hall gasped. Lily ignored them though and continued kissing the surprised Sirius. Hayley said 15 seconds and it had been about five before he started to respond. Lily supposed he was a good kisser. Enough rumors had circled around that he was. But here, bending down as she kissed Sirius Black, Lily began to wonder what Potter kissed like…

She broke off, angry at herself for thinking that and immediately turned red as her eyes connected with Potter's hazel ones. She looked away and saw her hand was around Sirius' collar. She let go and stepped away. Sirius grinned and said in a smug voice,

"What the hell was that for Evans? Believe me I don't mind." Lily rolled her eyes along with the rest of The Marauders.

"Oh don't flatter yourself Black! I did it for some stupid bet-"

"Lily you can't tell him it was a bet!" cut in Hayley from across the table.

"She already did moron," added Kathleen in a voice that clearly showed she was still grossed out.

"-and I had to kiss either you or Potter. I chose you."

"Oh thanks Evans!" said Potter rolling his eyes. Lily just glared at all of the Marauders in turn, even Remus-she was so angry, and marched back to her spot in the table, apologizing to Frank on her way.

"How was it?" was the first thing either Kathleen or Hayley could come up with. Lily glared at them and was about to snap, saying some witty, sarcastic remark when Dumbledore stood up.

"Later," Lily replied as Dumbledore began his usual speech.

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! To all of our new students, I hope your time here is…well…magical!" a couple of students laughed, mainly prefects wanting to get on his good side. "And to our new students-welcome back! I know you'll all be looking forward to the love, laughter and learning that comes with a new year…"

"Don't forget pranks!" yelled a voice from the back which Lily immediately recognized as James Potter. Most of the hall laughed or groaned, most of the groaning came from the Slytherin table.

"Ahh…of course Mr. Potter. It wouldn't be Hogwarts without the lovely jokes played from you and your friends." Professor McGonagall looked absolutely sullen at these words as did quite a few other teachers, "Got a lot up your sleeves I hope?"

"Your right on that one Al!" called a second voice which was evidently Sirius Black, "We won't have it any other way…lots of detentions planned this year, eh Minerva?"

Professor McGonagall looked rather like she would prefer to rip Sirius to bits then spend another year with them in detention, but Dumbledore quickly interrupted.

"Speaking of wrongdoing, our caretaker Mr. Filch would like to remind everyone that the Forbidden Forest is….well forbidden…to all students. I hope you'd be able to figure that much out yourself." Dumbledore cleared his throat and looked around the Great Hall.

"Anyone wishing to tryout for their Quidditch House teams please consult your captains. As you can probably see there will be four people walking around the school with different colored badges with a C on them." Dumbledore looked to the first years as the rest of the school rolled their eyes.

"In Slytherin house we have Evan Rosier," general uproar followed and the Gryffindors rolled their eyes, "For Hufflepuff we have Captain Amos Diggory," the yellow and black house cheered as well as Hayley, who was glared at by many members of the Gryffindor team,(Amos was her boyfriend) "Henrietta Jones will be representing Ravenclaw," polite applause from Gryffindor and whoops from the black and blues. "And finally James Potter for Gryffindor."

The entire Gryffindor house got up and cheered except for the three girls who merely clapped their hands awkwardly. When everyone had finally settled down Dumbledore started up again,

"The number of items that are banned here has grown considerable. It now includes Whistling Teacups, Fiery Fangs and John Harper's Excellent and Sure Way Out of Class Fireworks. The entire list is posted outside of Mr. Filch's office.

"I hope you enjoy this evening and I will see you all down for breakfast and class tomorrow morning. First years please look for the prefects that will be taking you up to your common rooms and may everyone have some lovely dreams! Now off to bed, pip pip!"

"See you guys later," grumbled Lily, making her way over to the over-excited first years. This was going to be a long year…

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o

Lily walked into her dormitory later to find Kathleen and Hayley alert and waiting. As Lily plopped down on her bed they both grinned, figuring it was 'later'.

"Sooo….how was it?" asked Hayley and Lily rolled her eyes but thought for a second. She answered the question as best she could.

"Umm…no doubt he's had experience," the two girls laughed but urged her on to tell the rest of her thoughts, "hmm…it was alright. He was in shock for most of it, but he's a pretty good kisser."

"So no sparks? No flutters? Nothing?" Hayley asked incredulously. She never ceased to answer that after she had received major flutters from the first kiss longtime between her and her boyfriend Amos.

My butterfly feeling will come, thought Lily shrilly, "It's not a big deal. Besides," she argued looking up at her ceiling, "I'm rather glad Black wasn't the one to give me flutters. He's too…oh, I don't know annoying." She added sarcastically. Kathleen opened her mouth, no doubt to comment on all this sarcasm-so like Potters-but Lily silenced her with a I'm-a-prefect-and-am-not-afraid-to-give-you-a-detention-involving-flesh-eating-squirrels glare.

Hayley grinned mischievously and said, "I bet you wouldn't mind if James Potter's kiss made you weak in the knees and fireworks-OW! Li-lee! That hurt!"

"Well stop speaking rubbish then!" she rolled her eyes again, "Honestly I don't understand why you think we're destined to be…"

"Don't worry Lil," said Kathleen digging into her trunk to grab a chocolate frog, "We know you don't like James. And you wouldn't ever dream of kissing him!"

"Actually…" admitted Lily sitting on her bed tentatively, "While I was kissing Black I wondered who kissed better…you know, him or Potter. I mean it was just one of those stupid, strange thoughts-"

"Lily-that's it!" cried Hayley, as she jumped at least four feet in the air and landed in a graceful pose back down. (to which Lily was very jealous)

Kathleen looked over from her bed where she was reading Witch Weekly, already bored by the conversation at hand, "What is it Hail?" But Hayley wasn't listening. She waltzed around the room, grinning from ear-to-ear.

After a minute or so she slipped on the empty chocolate frog wrapper of Kathleen's and fell to the floor. Neither Lily nor Kathleen noticed. Lily was too busy having an argument with her inner self. And Kathleen had returned to her magazine.

PREVIEW INTO LILY'S MIND

You like James Potter!

NO I DON'T!!

Then why were you wondering about kiss him, hmm??

Umm…experiment?

You are such a dork, Lily!

Excuse me? You're part of me!

Puh-lease! I'm just your conscience.

Oh. That's cool.

You are so geeky, you feel exciting over meeting a part of your soul….good lord…

So? Your just a….you….err….damn you!

How creative.

….whatever.

AND NOW BACK INTO THE REAL WORLD 

It was only when Hayley coughed loudly from the floor did they look over. Lily broke into laughter as soon as she saw her, at the fact that there was someone more pathetic then herself. But then she remembered that Hayley had a boyfriend…damn. Lily stopped laughing and wallowed in self pity again.

"You got some phlegm in your throat?" asked Kathleen who had been all around boys the entire summer, "just hack it up-hey maybe you'll get a real good spitter and you can hit the bathroom door from where you are! I did that once…" and she trailed off looking rather proud of herself.

"No I do not have an excessive amount of phlegm in my throat!" Hayley looked disgusted but quickly grinned, "I was just think up something that would make this year exciting and memorable!"

Both Kathleen and Lily rolled their eyes. Hayley always came up with bizarre ideas at the beginning of the year. Some previous ones are as followed: 1st year-steal random cutlery from the Great Hall and sell them to morons like Peter Pettigrew, 2nd year-walk around all day with a watermelon on your head, 3rd year-attack Marauders and keep them hostage, (that idea backfired BADLY) and finally the year previous-give every girl in Gryffindor Tower a love potion for Dominic McLaggen. (a jerk 7th year)

Hayley could tell how excited her best friends were as their eyes slowly dazed out of focus-obviously to thrilled to even pay attention.

"Alright! My plan is….okay, okay! Are you ready for this?" eyes wide with excitement as she took in her two best friends, both of whom were examining a slight crack in the floor. Hayley took a deep breath and yelped,

"We are going to do a scientific experiment…to see who kisses better!! Between James Potter and Sirius Black!! Okay, what do you think?!?"

Lily grinned at the fact that she wasn't the only one who had science labs on the brain.

PREVIEW INTO LILY'S MIND

HAH! There conscience! There are others like me!

Oh shut up! It's only your weird friend.

…so? Doesn't she count still?

No.

Oh. Damn.

NOW BACK TO THE REAL WORLD 

Kathleen on the other hand said in a disgusted voice, "Eww. Did you say _us_? Does that mean _I _have to kiss them?? That's just sick and wrong Hayley….ugh…" she shuddered.

"C'mon Kath!" urged Hayley, thinking her idea was funny, awesome and quite frankly-bloody wicked, "Look-Lily's game! And she _hates _James Potter…supposedly…"

Lily shook herself out of her trance and was about to retort back but just then two girls stepped into the dormitory.

"What's this about James Potter?" asked the first one, a blonde by the name of Mary MacDonald. Although Lily did not dislike her, they were not good companions and avoided one another a lot.

"Yah, what are you guys talking about?" asked the second one, Jane Finnigan, a kind girl who was also known as the school slut. Which Lily really didn't get…sure she was…ugh…slag-ish but…okay yah, she was a slut.

In a matter of seconds Hayley had blurted out her entire idea. Mary's eyes widened and Lily suddenly became afraid-Mary had dated James for the longest on record: one and a half months. Rumor was she still liked him.

"That's bloody brilliant Hayley!" she screamed, completely forgetting anyone who might have been trying to sleep *cough-Kathleen-cough*.

"Yah," agreed Jane softly, "but I think you should take this…research...farther. Every girl in the school should have to kiss both of them-and then say who they liked better."

Hayley smiled even bigger and grabbed Lily and Kathleen's arms, pulling them up to their feet.

"EMERGENCY GIRLS MEETING!!" she yelled loudly and started for the door, "EVERYONE IN THE COMMON ROOM NOW!!!!" They exited and Lily heard movement all around them as girls from 7th to 1st year hesitantly headed their way down to the common room.

When they arrived in their Gryffindor common room their were only three people in it: two seventh year boys and Remus Lupin. The boys got up and left quickly as they saw all the girls file in. Remus gave a half wave to Lily, which she returned, and headed up to his dormitory. The same dormitory, no doubt, where the subjects of that night meetings were fooling around.

Hayley put Lily and Kathleen on guard in front the boys dormitory and Jane with Mary near the portrait hole. Lily was tired enough to pass out on the couch but the constant cheers, shrieks and applauds kept her awake.

"…so once you've kissed both of them you go see Lily Evans, who will be tallying up the affairs. Just tell her which one you thought was a better kisser." Apparently Hayley had figured everything out and Lily was thankful. At least she wouldn't have to stay up and plan like usual.

"So I want everyone down here, bright and early tomorrow at eight! It is out duty to inform every girl at the school about this experiment-hell even teachers if you must, okay?" the girls all nodded with either excitement, boredom or pity to the boys-there was a heavy dose of each emotion.

"Okay then-see you at eight!" the ladies began to climb the stairs as she added, "so have lovely dreams about Potter and Black! This'll be all over by Thursday so don't hesitate to jump them!" A few girls laughed and then the door closed and the common room went silent.

"Well," said Hayley looking happy as she surveyed her friends, "I thought that went well! Peachy keen, eh?"

Both Kathleen and Lily managed a mumbled 'sure' before climbing the stairs and falling asleep on their beds, still fully clothed.

A/N: Hmm…terrible? Decent? I'd love to hear what anyone has to say.

Next chapter will bring the 'experiment'…

-CharlieSchulz-

:)


	2. Harmonicas and Blowup Spiders

**A/N: Don't own anything. Believe me, I'd love to...you know-rich, British, all that good stuff. Instead I'm a geeky, random person who has a silly Canadian 'accent.' But...I take what I can get :)**

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth-that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally-but I didn't want to upset him.

-**Jack Handey**

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o

Lily awoke the next morning to the sound of a harmonica. She grudgingly came into consciousness, but more out of curiosity then anything. She instantly became upset though. The lovely dream she had been having, about the family of lemurs that took her in and taught her the ways of the kung fu master, was about to come to a nice conclusion-one involving them all moving to Paris and marrying very handsome, French monkeys.

The first thing Lily saw when she woke was a huge, blowup spider on her ceiling. She laid in shock for a minute or so, not quite believing it. After blinking a couple times, wishing it away, she rolled to her side only to come face-to-face with Kathleen. A very asleep Kathleen, on the contraire, who was sitting by her bed playing the harmonica.

Lily fell out of her bed in surprise, having not been around a person who sleep walks and…well…does things in her sleep for nearly two months. Lily began to feel pity for Potter, as he had to deal with Kathleen all the previous summer. Her pity quickly cleared as she thought of how cocky he'd be after learning about the plans set for the week.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened and Jane, Mary and Hayley stepped out-all looking gorgeous in their perfect, new school robes. Hayley looked down at the clearly-in-pain-as-I'm-currently-lying-on-the-floor Lily and the I-won't-have-a-clue-about-this-once-you-wake-me-up Kathleen.

Hayley walked over to Kathleen and put her own pinky finger in her mouth. With a face that showed and awful lot of disgust, she stuck her finger in Kathleen's ear.

Kathleen immediately awoke,

"Hey guys! Nice sleep, yeah? Wow Lily," she took in Lily-face down beside her, "What are you doing, lying on the floor mate? My you are just so bloody bizarre in the morning! And some people call me kooky! Ah, well-not my place to discuss is it? Cheers!" and with that she went off to the bathroom, humming away.

"Merlin, she is weird," commented Mary, staring at the bathroom door.

"You alright Lil?" asked Jane quietly. Lily slowly picked herself off the floor and asked in a monotone voice,

"Why is there a blowup spider on my ceiling?"

Mary started giggling like a child on Christmas who just got an Easy Bake Oven (not that Mary would know what that is), and soon Jane joined in. Apparently Hayley could not be left out in this, because she started giggling too, in a very irritating way.

"Sorry Lil!" said Hayley, in between giggles, "You'd already gone to bed and Janey, Mar and I were just fooling around, conjuring things up and stuff," Lily looked at her as if she'd never seen her before. _Janey?_ Since when did she use nicknames with the slut? And Hayley looked different too. Instead of all proper like she always was, her skirt was shorter, her hair was all out and her top button was undone. Lily felt her heart sink.

"So…we're heading down to the common room now-mustn't be late! See you later at eight! Aha! That rhymes!" and with that she left with Mary and Jane trailing behind her.

Lily felt a deepest dread pass through her as she realized what was happening.

Hayley was going over to the dark side.

And not the dark side that provided cookies.

No. The _other _dark side.

_**Popularity.**_

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0

A couple of minutes later Kathleen exited the bathroom, whistling away. Her short curly hair was as ecstatic as ever and her robes seemed to sparkle slightly as she walked. When she spotter her friend Lily sitting on her bed-clearly in shock, she stopped. Normally Kathleen would have never stopped whistling, as she was in the middle of the 4th verse of Don McLean's American Pie, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"What up Lils?" asked Kathleen while putting on her robes. Lily was already dressed, thankfully, although her hair was not the usual pin-straight attire she always had.

"Hayley….went over….d-d-d"

"Denver?" guessed Kathleen, who had visited Colorado 2 summers past.

"…dark side…"mumbled Lily and Kathleen gasped. She knew it was coming eventually but…so soon? Why! Why for the love of Merlin so soon, thought Kathleen as she quickly pulled Lily up by the arm.

"C'mon soldier! Let's go down there and show her how great we are! How we're so much better than pretty clothes, and popularity, and homework done by other people, and lots of kids who fancy you, and steamy makeout sessions, and cute boys to have those makeout sessions with, and….shit. I don't even think I'd choose us." Lily nodded glumly and they both made their way down to the common room.

"Alright girls, this is going to be an intense day! Remember one thing though-they have to kiss you back! If they don't it doesn't count. So if you have to snog them multiple times-hey, what's stopping yah?" Hayley smiled as she addressed her troops and continued, "Now…someone mentioned boyfriends. Obviously this is a problem-but I believe that if we talk it out good enough-they won't be mad at us, but merely James and Sirius."

The girls all cheered and she grinned again, not noticing as her best mates sauntered over beside her.

"Now as for-" but Hayley was cut off by the sound of footsteps on the boys dormitory steps. The door opened and there stood the lab rats (as Lily liked to call them) James Potter and Sirius Black, hair still wet from showers and looking pretty darn good. (though Lily would never admit that.

Every eye in the room fell on them and they stopped their chatter instantly. Kathleen broke the tension by laughing at their confused faces. Kathleen chuckled as she pushed through the crowd and stood in between Potter and Black. "AHA! You guys kill me!" she exclaimed as she slung her arm around both of them. It was almost as if she was drunk when she continued with, "I love you guys, you know that?"

If looks could kill Kathleen would be dead by the amount of jealous glares sent her way. Both Potter and Black laughed though and Lily felt things become slightly more comfortable.

"So…" began James with a nervous glance to the still chuckling girl beside him.

"…what's up?" finished Black with a mischievous grin. Hayley walked over to them and Lily's jaw dropped.

Hayley, _her _Hayley, the one she had known since she first got on the bloody train to get to Hogwarts, was strutting, strutting like a completely….Lily could barely think it without wincing…_slut_. And not only was she walking completely Jane-like, she was walking up to the two biggest prats in the entire school! What the sodding hell is this?

"Well…how can I put this mildly?" asked Hayley, and her sentence was immediately followed by giggles. She grinned and continued, "Lily came up with this smashing idea to see who's the better kisser out of you two…so we're doing it! And you have absolutely no say in this!" she laughed and said, "So if some girls come up to you and snog you-you have to snog back, alright? It's for science, and mere fact!"

Black and Potter's looks of confusion turned into full-out grins in a split second. James turned to Lily and said,

"You came up with this Evans?? Who would have thunk it?" Lily glared at him. Not only had he made her annoyed and embarrassed, but he'd also used her favourite expression-now that was just plain mean.

Kathleen smacked James upside the head and before he could complain she checked her watch,

"Oh Merlin! Shit, we've got five minutes before they take away they take away those bloody delicious mini waffles!" they always had these bizarre things on the first day but only until 8:10. Lily and Kathleen were obsessed with them, "C'mon Lil! Hayley!"

Kathleen and Lily ran to the portrait hole with Potter and Black hot on their tracks. Apparently mini waffles do not appeal to many people though, because as Lily turned around she saw that everyone in the common room was looking at the four funny. And no one else had moved.

"Man, I love those things," remarked Potter as he and Black pushed past the girls and ran into the corridor. Lily glared at his retreating figure, upset that they both used a rather stupid expression and now they both liked inconvenient tiny waffles.

"C'mon Hayley or we'll miss them!" Hayley turned towards them and said, in a voice that was clearly bored,

"You go. I'll meet you guys down later." She then returned back to talking with Mary. Lily and Kathleen's jaws dropped. Hayley never gave up the opportunity to eat. It was just simply unheard of.

They didn't have time to give it another second of thought as Kathleen's watch chimed: four minutes.

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o

Kathleen and Lily arrived in the Great Hall 3 minutes and 40 seconds later. They had barely grabbed a couple from the bowl and stacked them on their plates when the bowl disappeared.

Kathleen sighed, "Whew! Not a moment too late, eh?"

"What does Hayley think she's doing?" asked Lily bluntly as she began to dig into her waffles.

"Hmm? Oh Ha-wee?" replied Kathleen, her mouth stuffed with food, "Wee, yuh oh ow e geh! Eh juh eh muood swee mos ikee!" and with that she returned to her waffles.

"Yah, I guess," agreed Lily who understood Kathleen with food in her mouth, as she was usually in a predicament with food in her mouth. (For those simple minded people who cannot understand the language of Foo-sh, Kathleen said: Hmm? Oh Hayley? Well you now how she gets! It's just a mood swing most likely.)

"And besides," added Kathleen after she had swallowed, "she's been in love with James Potter for two years now about. She's probably jus excited for this experiment thing. Now she gets to snog him-"

"Wait! What do you mean she's liked Potter?"

"Umm…no offence Lily but if you haven't noticed that over the years than you're pretty screwed as a best friend, no?"

"But…but…how could she…"

"Look Lily-I have no idea. But since third year she's been going on about him…and well, I mean I know you don't like him and I don't like him _that _way…but you got to admit. There's something about James Potter….I don't know what it is…there's just something, you know?"

"No I don't know!" exploded Lily, "And besides, there's no way she could like him."

"….and why's that?"

"Because she wouldn't have dared me to kiss him if she did…"

"Oh please Lily!" chuckled Kathleen, grabbing some sausages, "We all knew you wouldn't do it! And if you remember: I helped you out by being all gross-out too. I mean I wouldn't do that. Cause, c'mon I've seen stuff worse than James Potter kissing someone. Hell, this summer I walked in on him shagging-"

"Alright! I get it!" Lily shouted, wondering why she was so upset over those words, "I just can't believe you never told me."

Kathleen opened her mouth to retort back but a loud moan cut her off. Lily and her turned to see (who else?) James Potter in a furious makeout session with Betty Carter-a 6th Hufflepuff with as much brains as a tea cozy. No…a tea cozy's too smart, thought Lily. A wooden replica of the Three Stooges! That was how she compared to the inmate objects list, that Betty Carter.

Kathleen looked at them for a second, disgusted, before yelling, "Oi! Potter! Can you not see that people are eating?! Could you keep you testosterone level to a minimum until after breakfast?! You can continue kissing the dried out sponge later, perhaps where food is not served! Thank you!" and then she continued back into her scrambled eggs.

To say that Betty was upset at these words would be a bit of an understatement. But she didn't yell back because Kathleen obviously knew James well and Betty obviously liked James. Stupid git, thought Lily turning back to her marmalade.

James grinned farther down the table and said goodbye to Betty. He then turned back to his fellow Marauder friend, who had just finished up with a Ravenclaw 4th year, and exclaimed,

"Is this not the best thing that has ever happened to us?!"

Sirius grinned and nodded, "I cannot believe your girl Evans thought this up! Honestly remind me to buy her something nice-Moony! You made it!"

Remus was passing through the doors at that moment and made a beeline for his friends.

"Have you guys heard about this kissing contest thing? It's an insane idea, eh? You're both going to die by tomorrow-"

"Moony!" James practically jumped out of him seat, "What the bloody hell are you talking about mate? Padfoot and I get to snog every girl in the school! How in the name of Merlin's over weight dead owl named Fred is that a bad thing?!"

He and Sirius high-fived over the table. Remus rolled his eyes,

"You guys aren't actually thinking about this are you? You have to kiss every girl in the school over a period of 84 hours, most of which you'll be either in class or sleeping. This is going to exhaust you!" The two Marauders rolled their eyes, but listened as their friends continued to speak.

"Not only all of that-but you have to kiss every girl." The blank looks that followed this statement made Remus want to rip out his hair, "Every single girl! The ugly ones, the short ones, the mean ones, the slutty ones, even the…the first years!"

At that note James and Sirius finally got it and their faces turned identically grave.

But meanwhile back at the other end of the table Lily was being talked to by none other than the sponge herself, the git of Guam, the Third Stooge-Betty Carter.

"So I was told I had to come to you for like…my choice. You know between James or Sirius," Lily rolled her eyes but didn't stop listening, "Well I mean I loved both of them but James' make me kind of like…weak in the knees? And Sirius' tongue is like…perfection or something! Honestly if it was a God I'd-"

"Okay!" interjected Lily who was sick of hearing about two gits' ability to snog, "Just tell me who you chose-I am not writing up reviews you know!"

"Sirius." And she scurried off, back to her very angry looking boyfriend.

"Lovely," said Lily, opening up an empty diary she had planned to write her thoughts in (too late now, she commented in her head) and made a quick T-chart with her quill. Then she hesitantly put a check under Black's name.

The rest of breakfast of breakfast passed without consequence. Except for one occasion, where two seventh years were moaning so loud from where they were kissing Potter and Black, that Kathleen had to physically walk over and smack the boys on the head-it was relatively nice.

Kathleen and Lily were having conversation about the Muggle world. Lily was describing the new phenomenon 'disco' to her and Kathleen looked sickened.

"Ugh! And they actually wear that kind of clothing! And they dance under a big shiny ball that's attached to the ceiling?" Lily nodded glumly-her hatred for disco surpassed her hatred for James Potter and well…that was saying something.

Hayley had come down a couple minutes before but she was at the Hufflepuff table, talking to Amos, and informing all the girls about her experiment. Kathleen and Lily were just about to march over to their supposed mate when Kathleen's watch beeped for the third time that morning-announcing that they had better set off to their first class, or Lily wouldn't be able to get a good seat at the front, which would ruin her plan of impressing the teachers with her I'm-a-prefect-and-I-love-learning-about-all-this-pointless-stuff strategy.

They took off to Transfiguration at once, Kathleen grumbling the whole way. After the fourth protest Lily heard she turned to her friend and said, "C'mon all we got to do now is go right-over-the-mother-bridge!"

Lily started laughing but then she realized, with help from the confused look on her mate's face, that Kathleen had no idea what she was talking about.

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o

James Potter was starting to get annoyed. Yes, he did enjoy snogging girls. That was sort of inevitable-he was a guy after all. But after the fifth girl who had flung herself at him on his way to McGonagall's classroom, well let's just say he was kind of wishing he was the Moony part of the Marauders and not the Prongs.

And then there was this random sixth year Hufflepuff who kept giving him these really dirty looks. What was with that? James could obviously tell that the entire male population was jealous of him and Sirius-but was it honestly their faults? Clearly they're just amazing kissers and well-that's that.

James trailed on, thinking more arrogant thoughts, until he was finally just outside McGonagall's classroom. He could see Sirius a little down the corridor and James looked at his watch. 30 seconds to go until class started. James grinned at the fact that his buddy Padfoot would be getting in trouble the first day and he would not.

But those thoughts were shattered by Jane Herbert who had been walking past him that very second. She grabbed him by the collar and was pressing him up against the corridor wall the next.

James kissed her back in a bored manner. She was really strong, he noted none too happily. Only 20 seconds into the kiss Professor McGonagall walked by them and went into her classroom saying,

"If you want to pass this class Potter I would recommend being inside the classroom." James tried to reply but his mouth was rather busy at the time.

Jane finally let him go and took off into the classroom. James sighed hugely and was about to follow her in when he was cut off by Evan Rosier.

"Can I have a word, Potter?" he asked, terrifying James to ever bit of his body-James' life slowly flashed before his eyes as he took in how massively HUGE Rosier really was.

"Oh shit…." Muttered James under his breath as Sirius began to walk towards them and into the classroom.

"See yah Prongs!" Sirius said cheerfully as he took in Evan's vast shoulders.

"Where you going Black?" asked Rosier, grabbing Sirius by the collar, "I'll just talk to both of you at once, it won't take long…" Both James and Sirius highly doubted that Evan wanted to have a civilized conversation with either of them.

"So this may surprise you..." started the evil seventh year Slytherin with a slight chuckle, "But there's this girl…you may know her….her name is Kelly Ferro," James and Sirius both groaned internally. They had 'met' Kelly early that morning on their out of the Great Hall. It was just their luck that she had a relationship with Rosier.

"Yah…you know who she is?" his eyes glinted menacingly, "She's my girlfriend you prats."

"Well!" exclaimed James, hoping to get out of this on charm alone, "She certainly has great taste in men, eh Padfoot?"

"Couldn't agree more Prongs," replied Sirius, catching on quickly with a grin.

"Yah…so we'll just be leaving then…" and before Rosier could do a thing they ran into the Transfiguration classroom and shut the door.

Breathing heavily with his eyes shut, Sirius pointed out the obvious, "Holy shit that was close." James nodded, his eyes shut as well.

"POTTER! BLACK!" The two best mates opened their eyes cautiously to take in a very stern looking Professor McGonagall and a very confused class.

"Hey Minerva!" replied James weakly, feeling his knees shake significantly.

"What in the name of Merlin possessed you to be so late heading into class? I saw you outside the door on my way in!" McGonagall continued as James and Sirius slowly edged their way to their seats at the back of the class, "Even Ms. Herbert managed to get in on time and she was…engaged with you early Potter!" The class laughed quietly knowing exactly what 'engaged' meant.

"And where in Merlin's name do you think your GOING?!?!" The two Marauders stopped and shared a curious glance. Sirius was the first one to speak.

"Um…to our seats?"

"Do you two honestly think I'll have you disrupting the entire class again by sitting together?" James thought about that for a split second before replying with a mild observation,

"But Minerva…we know this stuff already…this is one of the only classes we actually pay attention in…"

"Be that as it may," continued McGonagall, "I'd prefer if we had a quiet class without random bursts of laughter or…whatever else you to get up too!" James and Sirius rolled their eyes but waited for McGonagall to assign them new seats.

"Alright Ms. Evans, please switch with Mr. Potter and Mr. Davies with Mr. Black," the two boys instantly took their seats. Sirius began to sulk, as he was now sitting beside who he referred to as: that weirdo Lovenice or whatever guy. James started to tell Kathleen, who he was now sitting beside, all about what happened before class.

M-m-M-m-M-m-M-m-M-m

After an insanely boring History of Magic class it was time for lunch. Lily and Kathleen had just sat down and started in on their ham and cheese sandwiches when The Marauders took the four empty seats around them-James and Remus on either side of Lily and Peter and Sirius beside Kathleen.

"Hey guys!" greeted Kathleen as she poured some salad dressing all over her salad, "What's hanging? You done making out with girls for the day? Or did someone's boyfriend knock some sense into you?" Kathleen laughed again, Peter and Remus joining in.

"Oh shut up Kath. You know I hate this almost as much as Evans here," replied James who grabbed a tuna sandwich and began eating.

"What?" asked Lily in a state of shock, "How do you know I hate this?!" Kathleen could tell she was obviously going to get very angry, and decided to make it less awkward,

"Hey Peter, Sirius, Remus! Ever hear the one about the deranged lunatic in love, the redhead and their amazingly gorgeous friend?"

The 3 Marauders and Kathleen got up and scurried a bit farther down the table, oblivious to the James and Lily who were bickering.

"It's obvious Evans! I mean, I'd hate it too-getting intercepted by all these girls just so you can tick off a name. It probably sucks almost as much as having random girls snog you senseless."

"What are you talking about?" demanded Lily, "I thought you'd be enjoying the attention you arrogant berk."

"Yah, well if you think I enjoy walking around school while girls jump me, professors yell at me, and boyfriends want to rip me limb from limb-then you are sadly wrong my dear Lily."

Lily ignored the fact that he called her by her first name and apologized, cause after all: she didn't hate him all that much. He was just annoying.

"I'm sorry Potter. I just assumed."

"You know what they say about assuming-"

"Yes, I get it Potter!" James laughed and even Lily had to join in at the end, quietly. They continued eating lunch, forgetting about their other mates and only making random comments to one another. James was attacked four times by some young students but he made their kisses very short.

T-t-T-t-T-t-T-t-T-t-

The rest of the day passed without too much drama. True, James and Sirius were late for almost all of their classes, but by now the teachers knew what was going on and left it alone.

At dinner Kathleen and Lily were pleasantly surprised at the fact that apparently, Hayley had not forgotten all about them. She came over about halfway through and began chatting away, apologizing for not seeing them at breakfast.

"It's just hard you know? Like Mary, Jane and I were just crazy all day making sure the professors didn't hear about the plan. But then of course they found out anyway so that backfired. And then at lunch I was going to hang out with you-and introduce you to Amos properly but you were sitting with the Marauders and Amos hates them. Speaking of which, you looked rather cozy with James during lunch, Lily."

Lily wasn't to sure if she was happy, angry, jealous or confused.

"I was just talking to him. Doesn't happen a lot-"

"Yes well, you know the Hufflepuffs are just so exciting to talk to! Really Amos is just the sweetest thing in the world. I am just really lucky to have him you know? Even my mum-"

"Are you sure you're happy Hayley?" asked Lily who for some reason felt the need to bring up the fact she learned at breakfast, "I thought you still had the world's biggest crush on James Potter. Or did you forget about that?"

"How dare you!!" Hayley got up in a huff and turned to Kathleen, who wasn't eating with her fork anymore. She just dug in with her face, "C'mon Kathleen-wait. What the hell are you doing?"

Kathleen looked surprised, as if she had blanked out of the entire conversation. With trifle all over her face she looked at Hayley and said "Hmm?"

Hayley stormed off to Mary and Jane, all the while muttering under her breath. Kathleen shrugged her shoulders and continued eating while Lily stole silent glances at the Marauders.

b-B-b-B-b-B-b-B-b-B-b-

On the way back up from dinner Kathleen had caught up to Remus in regard to a Muggle Studies question. Lily was about to join them, seeing as she knew all about Muggles and things, when James Potter came up beside her.

She was about to leave him anyways when she caught sight of his face. She starting laughing hysterically.

"What?" asked James immediately, turning red. The last thing he needed was to embarrass himself in front of Lily Evans.

"You have lipstick all over your face," she said giggling still, "here." She grabbed her handkerchief and started wiping off some but she felt herself turning red and when her fingers accidently brushed against James' lips she felt tingles. Now that was certainly not normal.

They reached the common room five minutes before eight. Both James and Lily stood close to the dormitory stairs as they were planning on leaving the second the announcement was made.

Mary came in with Hayley and Jane behind her. She turned to Lily, in the crowded room,

"Hey Evans, do you mind telling us who's winning?" Obviously Hayley had told her all about Lily's claim.

"Uh…sure," she checked her data really quick and said in a monotone voice, "Sirius is winning so far. Alright, goodnight."

The winning boy in question whooped and whistled but James merely shrugged. Then he turned to Lily with a pale white face.

"Oh no! Grace Stevens is coming over here-hide me!" Grace was a sixth year who had a reputation as a….well let's just say she's a tiny bit…ferocious. Lily watched James' face go from shock to complete and utter patheticness.

Lily stood in front of him and walked to the boys staircase, her arms held out wide. When they finally reached their destination James spoke directly in her ear, causing shivers to erupt all over her body,

"Thanks Evans. You know-if I wasn't so sick of snogging, I'd kiss you." There was a pause and then Lily felt his lips against her cheek, "Then again…"

Lily turned around quickly, about to confront him, but he had already raced up the stairs. Lily rolled her eyes and made her way up her own stairs, planning to finish her Charms essay and then go to sleep.

She did just that. As she lay in bed, listening to Hayley and Mary gossiping, she couldn't help but wonder what bizarre thing Kathleen would be doing when she woke up the next day…

**A/N: So I hope you enjoy this. It's my attempt at humor-writing. Not a very good attempt mind you, but I'm trying :) **

**-CharlieSchulz **


	3. Juggling and Divination

**A/N: Holidays….tomorrow's school…I wrote this beginning earlier but it deleted so…yeah. That sucks.**

----- :) -------

Lily opened her eyes rather bluntly. She felt like she was being watched.

And she really didn't like that feeling.

Lily turned to her left and was greeted by the sight of Hayley, Mary and Jane all whispering and….staring straight at her.

She rolled her eyes at their bizarre gossiping tactics, this early in the morning, and turned to her other side. Their was Kathleen, sitting on the ground, asleep…juggling?

"Kathleen! What the bloody hell are you doing?" shouted Lily, feeling guilty for yelling at her best mate, the only one who was talking to her. Lily leaned over and gave Kathleen a Wet Willy, the only thing that would wake her up.

"Wha…?" the juggling balls all fell to the ground and Kathleen looked around herself surprised, "What in the bleeding hell am I doing here?" she asked, "I was enjoying a romantic dinner with Paul McCartney." She noticed Lily's curious look, "Oh…ello Lily!"

Lily rolled her eyes for what felt like the millionth time that morning. She rolled back onto her…well, _back _and stared up at the ceiling. Instead of the blowup spider there were three words: _leave him alone._

She shot out of bed only to find that Hayley was already at the door, perfectly dressed and make-up done, as usual. She gave Lily a half sort of wave thing before glaring at her.

"I mean it Lily Evans! I know you fancy James Potter too!"

"Have you lost your mind??!!??!" Lily asked, eyes wide, "I was talking to the kid last night because he's going mad with the 'experiment' _you _set him up with!"

"I do believe you're the one who came up with the general idea, not me!"

Lily opened her mouth furiously to retort but Hayley was already gone. She turned around to face Kathleen and have some sensible, can-you-believe-her?, best friend talk but looked around to find….Kathleen eating an old owl treat off the floor.

Holy Merlin.

Don't you feel a little sorry for Lily?

…nope me neither.

"Merlin! Why is everything in life so weird, asked Lily as she ran into the bathroom, "My world is so unlucky—what else could go wrong.

Fortunately she was in the shower and did not witness and/or hear and/or freak out over the fact that Kathleen had just thrown up the 2 year owl treat…all over Lily's bed.

-0-o-0-o-0-

Kathleen and Lily headed down to The Great Hall a couple minutes later. They sat at the end of the Gryffindor table and tried to ignore the laughter and talking that went on a few seats away from them.

"Look at her…just sitting there," commented Lily in regard to her ex-best-friend-who-also-thought-she-fancied-a-boy-that-Lily-hated-with-every-fiber-in-her-being, "all perfect and…and…well you know."

"Ummhhnnnmmm," was Kathleen's reply through a mouth full of sausages, waffles and eggs. She swallowed, "But you know-wait," she burped, "excuse me. Anyway: I'm sure this is just going to be a part time thing. It's not like she'll turn into the next Julie Ham or something."

At the sound of Julie's name every student in the Great Hall stopped what they were doing and yelled "PIG!" before continuing on with breakfast.

Kathleen smiled, "I just love when they do that."

Julie Ham had been the Head Girl when Lily and Kathleen were in third year. She had been notorious for going out with a fourth year (eww) and even more famous for cheating on him with a third year. (double eww)

"She'd better not," said Lily looking at her cereal for a second before glancing right back at Hayley.

"Oh no is she actually-" said Kathleen also watching their friend.

"-flirting with James Potter?" finished Lily with a disgusted look.

"Holy Merlin," Kathleen grabbed another pancake, "the world is such a bizarre place these days."

"Tell me about it."

-0-o-0-o-0-o-

"Hey my Moonshine!"

"Moon-ster!"

"The Moon-Moon-Satelite!"

"What's a satellite?"

"Muggle thing."

"Oh…clever."

"I thought so."

"….Moon-er-oony!"

"The Moon man!"

"The Moony potato in a jar-"

"What do you want now?" asked Remus Lupin, looking up from his Transfiguration textbook to glance at his two moronic best friends, "And what have I said about nicknames?"

"Never to use them," answered James with a cheeky grin as he and Sirius sat down at the Gryffindor house table, "But we hardly ever listen to you."

"Oh, how flattering."

"Moony….do you know where Peter is?" asked Sirius sharing a look with James.

"No…why?"

"Because we need advice."

"Well," said Remus, slightly offended, "I myself and pretty good in the way of knowledge…you know-not to toot my own horn…"

"Yah…but you're in that sarcastically witty mood," explained James as he stood up, "so you'll give us crappy advice and then we'll insult your manliness…and then you'll threaten to kick our arses next full moon."

Sirius nodded along, smiling.

"Oh." came Remus' response, "Well….if that's all…I thought I saw Peter heading down the 3rd floor corridor, looking for his toad."

"I will never understand how he manages to lose Christopher so easily," said Sirius, shaking his head in concern.

"I know what you mean mate."

"Alright well by the way Moony-oh shit!"

"Crap!! How did they find us?!"

"I know, we're way the hell on the loser end of the table-"

"Hey!" yelled Remus insulted.

He watched his two best mates run from the hall as twenty or so girls sped after them. He chuckled, turning back to his textbook.

"Frank, could you pass the hash browns?"

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o

"Hey Evans! EVANS!! OY, LILY!!!"

"Oh Merlin…" groaned Lily as she walked to the History of Magic class.

"Hey Lils," greeted James Potter, slightly out of breath as he caught up with her, "How you doing?"

"You're kidding me." Stated Lily, stopping in mid-stride and facing him, "you interrupted my morning walk to class, while nearly making me deaf-so you could ask how I was??"

"….um…yah."

"Unbelievable." Lily rolled her eyes as she continued walking.

"That's not all though, Lily-bear-"

"Call me Lily-bear one more time…"

"Okaaaayy….where was I? Oh, right. That's not all Lily Rose-"

"My middle name Katrina, you prat."

"Oh…well isn't that a lovely name!"

"….getting on to the point, Potter?"

"Right! Here's your handkerchief."

Lily looked up to see him holding her dainty, flowery piece of cloth. She resisted the urge to sigh.

"Uh…thanks Potter."

James was just about to grin cockily and make a reply when a blonde haired, huge, muscular Hufflepuff grabbed him from behind and slammed him into the wall.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYING AT POTTER?!?!"

Lily took that as her cue to leave.

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-

"P?"

"No."

"Y?"

"Nopedy, nope."

"You know, that was a very Sirius Black thing to say…"

"Shut it."

"A?"

"Hmm…" Kathleen checked the drawing on the parchment she should have been taking notes on, "Yes. So now you have…"

Kathleen showed Lily the parchment. On it was a circle and a stick on a noose. Sort of like hanging a lollipop.

"Hmmm…." Thought Lily in regard to _ A _ _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ / A W _ _ _ _ _, "E?"

"Ahhh….yes." Kathleen added them in.

Now it was: _ A _ _ _ E E _ / _ _ / A W E _ _ _ E.

Can you figure it out?

It's not that hard.

"Oh wait-" Lily groaned, "K?"

"Yep!" cheered Kathleen filling it in.

K A _ _ _ E E _ / _ _ / A W E _ _ _ E.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Let me guess. 'Kathleen is awesome'?"

"You are good!" exclaimed Kathleen filling in the rest of the hangman blanks, "Man, for someone who never wants to play-you certainly show me up, mate."

"Anyone could show you up Kath."

"I resent that."

Lily was about to make a witty comment back but she was interrupted by a loud giggle.

She rolled her eyes again, "Who's the snogger this time?"

Kathleen glanced over hr shoulder to the back of the History of Magic classroom, "James."

"And the snogee?"

"Umm…Hayley."

"WHAT?!"

Lily turned around in her seat, only to find the Marauders looking her oddly (including the rest of the class) and her ex-mate snogging James Potter.

They quickly broke off at the sound of Lily's outburst. They both looked at her in anger (Hayley), confusion, (James) and smugness (James and Hayley). Lily turned a delicate shade of magenta and flung around to facing the front, ignoring Kathleen's snickers the whole way."

"Is there a problem Ms. Ellen?" asked Professor Binns, her ancient teacher, barely glancing up from his history notes.

"Um…just…couldn't get over how many times the goblins rebel." She shook her head in mock amazement….though she was pretty sure everyone else had thought about it one time or another, "It truly is…amazing, you know?

"Yes…it really is fascinating isn't it?" said Prof. Binns in his monotone voice, "anyway…on June 24th 1432 the goblins took the gold and…"

-0-o-0-o-0-o-

As soon as the bell rang every student in the class tore out of the room. The History of Magic class was on the first floor and Divination was in the north tower, completely out of the way. It was a stupid schedule, especially for a morning class.

"Hurry up Kathleen!!" shouted Lily as she sprinted through the halls. She liked to be the first in the class so she could get her favourite seat, far away from the fireplace and Professor Keating's unusual love predictions.

"I'm (pant) coming (pant) woman!!" she practically moaned as she was quickly overtaken by the Marauders, "You….go…on…without…me….I'll….hang…back…here…with….Peter…"

Lily sighed a huge sigh and ran back to her friend. Kathleen was leaning on the wall, amid to protests from the portrait she was blocking.

"You are so out of shape!" commented Lily, who had barely broken a sweat. She smiled gloatingly as she started stretching.

Peter Pettigrew ran by, laughing slightly at Kathleen's obvious hate in activity.

"Oh…shut it…Pettigrew…" panted Kathleen catching her breath.

"C'mon!" said Lily as she started jogging again, we can't be late!! Something exciting might happen!"

"Uh huh…cause…that's usual…" groaned Kathleen as she followed her friend, dragging her feet across the cool marble stone.

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-

"Today my children…we will be looking into the fundamental things that make up a relationship…we will be attempting to find out the inter-workings of your partners…" Prof. Keating gave a pregnant pause for dramatic effect," ….soul mates."

Lily rolled her eyes. Due to Kathleen's incompetence, they were seated in the front row, surrounded by all of Keating's favourite hearts and flowers.

"See!" hissed Lily to her partner, "This is why we get in shape during the holidays!"

"Well I'm saw-ree!"

"…you sound like an American."

"….is that an insult?"

"….depends…"

"….yeah…."

"LADIES!!! Have you broadened your minds yet? Have you come to the very core of your partner's love life?" Prof. Keating swooped down at them, eyes blinking with excitement.

"Oh…" Kathleen smiled brightly, "You know it!! Lily just finished my ugh…love life, is it?"

"Thanks Kathleen," Lily said through gritted teeth, "Um…yah. She's going to fall in love with an athletic…handsome…kind….caring…and wonderful person," Lily smiled mischeviously, "Cause after all: opposites attract."

Kathleen smiled darkly, "Oh yah? Well Lily here is going to have a crazy-hyper relationship in which she will fall for the very man she hates the most…then they will get married…and Sirius Black will be best man…"

"What now?" came the voices of Sirius and Lily, accompanied by the rest of the class.

"YAH! And then…they will have a child at the age of twenty…he will have Lily's eyes…but will look like her husband….and then…." Kathleen started sniffling, "Your husband will die for you Lily…and then you will perish….but your boy…he will be….THE BOY WHO LIVED!!!!"

Silence followed.

"Riiiiiight…" said Lily, "Uh huh. I think you're reading too many comic books Kath."

"Yah!" agreed Sirius from the other side of the room, "and besides-I am not being best man for ANYONE….well except James…if he ever gets married."

More silence followed. Then…

"O MY GOSH!!!" Kathleen burst out, "YOU'RE MARRYING JAMES POTTER!!! IT ALL FITS!!!!"

"WHAT?!" came Lily's shriek, "I'm pretty sure I have a say in this!"

"And what about me??" said James, "I don't want to die!!"

"And I don't want to get married to that!!"

"Lily!! You have to be nicer to you husband-to-be!!"

"Yah, Lilster!!"

"I am not getting married to James Potter! It was just a stupid prediction!! And what did I say about nicknames Potter??!!"

"To never use them outside of the bedroom."

"POTTER-"

"Wait!!" everyone turned to Sirius, "Can I be godfather??"

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-

Lily had never been so glad to have the bell ring. She was an inch away from strangling Sirius Black after his godfather comment. And of course James thought it was just _so _funny.

Kathleen jumped out of the trapdoor after her. She was wearing a look of smugness upon her face after her very 'brilliant' meddling affairs during Divination

"Well that was fun," she grinned, bravely facing Lily's scowl, "Who knew that I would become the best Seer in or class?"

"I think it's a load of rubbish."

"Well….you're not a talented Seer like me…what would _you _know?"

"You know what-"

"Hey Lily-billy-milly!"

"Potter, I do not have time for your asinine ways at the present time, alright? I am starving and have an annoying, fortune-telling mate to deal with."

"But Lily!" cried Kathleen, "I thought I was your only mate!"

"Kathleen, you bring a whole new meaning to the world 'thick.' …and I have other friends!"

"Umm….thank you? And no you really don't."

"Yes I do!!"

"Like who?"

"Umm….Hayley! No…she's not talking to me….Diggory!! He's my friend!"

"He gave you an extra quill one time."

"….Just shut it alright!!!"

"My, Lilykins! You are not in a very good mood today," said James said as Kathleen, Lily, him and the Marauders began walking down to the Great Hall, "did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"

"I woke up to gossiping girls, juggling and threatening words," Lily said dryly, "I have a right to be moody."

"Dear Merlin, I am starving!!" yelled Sirius and Kathleen at the same time.

"I know, right?" shouted back Peter and Remus.

"You guys are insane." Said James and Lily at the same time.

They all stopped and looked at each other.

"Wow."

"That was freaky."

Silence.

"Want to get lunch?"

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0o-0

"Why is every other Gryffindor at the other end of the table?"

"…maybe we smell."

Kathleen and Lily both leaned over across the table at the same time and sniffed one another.

"Nope." Said Lily.

"That is peculiar," commented Kathleen eating her grilled cheese, "Maybe someone has some new chocolate frog card that's really rare?"

"I don't know…that seems a little…mean. I mean, if they didn't tell us…"

"Perhaps they're…OH I GOT IT!! THEY'RE PLANNING OUR SURPRISED BIRTTHDAY PARTIES!!"

"Kath-my birthday is five months away and yours is 8 months."

"…so? Always be prepared-that's my motto!"

"I thought your motto was 'people are jerks sometimes. Embrace that."

"No, no-my motto for the longest time was 'a Knut for your thoughts…oh wait-you have no thoughts!! Mwhahaha!!!' Remember?"

"Yah…that was stupid…"

"Anyway, my new favourite quote is Always be prepared."

"You sound like those girl guides that came around my house this summer."

"Oh those ones with those bloody _fantastic_ cookies right?"

"Yep…I love those kids."

"They are pretty brill."

A loud burst of laughter came from the other side of the table.

"Merlin, I hate popular people."

"Tell me about it."

"They're just there…so damn perfect and….grr…friends with the Marauders and always laughing, and complaining about everything."

"But Kath…you're friends with the four nitwits…and you laugh a lot…and you complain about everything…"

"Hmmm…That is true."

"You just aren't perfect."

"No I am not."

"….."

"…."

"…."

"….we need more stimulating conversations during lunch, yeah?"

"Oh you know it…"

"…"

"…"

"….damn."

-0-o-0o-0-o-0-o-

James and Sirius exited the Great Hall a couple minutes after they scarfed down their lunch at hyper speed. They did not want to spend anymore time then necessary in the vicinity of the crazy-snog-obsessed girls.

"This is getting really scary Padfoot."

"I know man…I'm terrified to even leave the sanctuary of my dorm."\

"Yeah, I know what you mean…sometimes I would rather spend the entire day in our humble abode."

"…you are such a girl, mate."

"Shut it."

They were passing the Transfiguration classroom when a girl ran smack into them. Both parties began screaming at the others until they realized who they had encountered.

"Dylan?"

"James? Sirius?"

"Hey!!" both boys greeted at the same time. They grinned at the small first year. She had long brown hair and sparkling, lets-get-lost hazel eyes…similar to her brother's.

"I feel like I haven't seen you guys at all since we got here." Dylan jumped up and grabbed James around the middle, "I missed you two."

"We missed you too," said James as he squeezed his sister back. Dylan moved onto Sirius and hugged him instead.

"So…" started Dylan as all the hugging was finished, "you guys would certainly be skinned alive by mum knew if she knew what you two were up to."

"About that…" started James, awkwardly scratching his neck, "We didn't do anything to start all of that…so….we can't really be blamed."

"I get it." Dylan grinned, "But I don't remember getting a kiss!"

James smiled at his sister and kissed her on the top of her head. It was the first kiss he had given in along time that had actually meant something. That is, besides the peck he had given Lily on the stairs. Sirius followed his lead and kissed her head as well.

"So, who's better?" asked James grinning.

"Hmm…well….I like Sirius's shoes better. So he wins."

James and Sirius looked down at their trainers. They were pretty much the same. James was wearing a pair of green Converse high tops and Sirius was wearing a pair of red ones.

They glanced at one another. Then shrugged.

"That's fair I suppose," they said together. Dylan laughed and was about to comment back when a yell from the other end side of the corridor cut her off.

"POTTER!! BLACK!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? CORRUPTING THE MIND OF A FIRST YEAR!!" Lily Evans came striding the hall, clearly still upset about the Divination classroom.

"No you don't understand-"

"No I'm pretty sure I do Black!"

"But Lils-a-Bills-"

"Shut it with those nicknames Potter!!" She looked down at the Dylan who was smirking, "Are you okay dear? I apologize for these nitwits…what's your name?"

"Dylan." She stuck out her hand and smiled charmingly, "Dylan Potter, nice to meet you."

"Pleasure! Lily Evans-wait." She looked at Dylan oddly and then at James, "Potter?"

"This is my sister, Lils." James said, smiling sweetly.

There was silence.

"Oh. So she's already corrupted."

"Yep," replied Sirius.

"But….but Kathleen never said you had a sister."

James grinned arrogantly, "So you talk to Kathleen about me, eh?"

"NO! Get over yourself Potter!"

"Umm…excuse me. Ms. Evans?" asked Dylan sweetly, "I just wanted to say that I choose Sirius for the kissing thingy. His shoes are cooler. And James is lucky he has a girl as responsible as you to be infatuated with."

Lily and James both turned red. Sirius laughed,

"You really are a Potter, Dylan my dear."

Dylan grinned before saying, "Oh and Lily?"

"Yes?"

"You have rice in your hair."

Lily turned even redder.

"Hey!" greeted Kathleen, as she joined the group, "James, Sirius…and Dylan! Hey-forgot you made Gryffindor…Oh, Lil! What have I told you about playing with your food? You have rice in your hair!" she quickly took it out for her.

James laughed, "You're one to talk Kathleen Darn! Need I remind you of the sausage incident?"

"Uh huh," said Kathleen with a smirk, "and would you like me to bring up the Seaweed monster plan??"

"Oh that's clever! What about the Toilet Bowl, Mrs. Kleenex attacks…hmm? How'd you like it if _that _went public?"

Neither Sirius nor Lily had a clue what they were talking about but Kathleen cleary did, because she turned slightly purple before saying, "Dylan, could you please tell your brother that he is a wanker?

"Sure! Exclaimed Dylan before turning to James, "Dearest brother, Kathleen would like me to tell you, that even though she thinks you are an arse…she would like to bear your children."

"AHH!! THE CHILDREN INCIDENT!!" shrieked Kathleen, "I forgot you were there…you little she-devil…"

James merely laughed again, "You got nothing on me I don't have on you Darn," and kissed his sister on the forehead.

"Well….this has been fun," said Dylan, "But I must get to lunch! Lily, I hope you stop being such a fun-sucker and I hope you, Kathleen, join us again next summer."

Lily looked at her in shock, "He really has corrupted you, hasn't he?"

"Cheers!" exclaimed Dylan before she took off in the direction of the Great Hall.

"I've always liked your sister, Prongs."

"Yah she sure is something James."

Lily was still shocked, "were we like that when we were eleven?"

"Well _you_ weren't." said James as they all started down the hall, "But Kath, Wormtail, Padfoot, Moony and I were."

"But that's because we went to Hogwarts knowing how to have fun," continued Sirius, "And we still know…you've never found out though…sorry."

"Shut it Black."

"Yah Padfoot," said James. He put an arm around Lily's waist, "I'm sure she could learn to enjoy herself if she gave some people a chance."

"Get your arm off me Potter if you ever want to have children."

"Let go Prongs! Otherwise I wouldn't be a godfather!"

"Black, the offer stands for you too."

"Righto."

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0o

The group of fifth years were about to enter the Great Hall when a huge, good looking bloke exited. He went straight for James, not even bothering to say sorry to Lily (who he knocked down).

"POTTER! I'M GOING TO RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB! I'M A GONNA MAKE YOU WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN! YOU SWINE, INSUFFERABLE, QUDITTICH PLAYING," he shoved James on the ground and stood over him in rage, "LUNATIC, CONCEITED, ARROGANT, LOSER OF A GRYFFINDOR WITH MORONIC FRIENDS,"

"Hey-" interrupted Sirius.

The look that Amos Diggory gave him was so intense…so bloody mean, that even Sirius wanted to cry to his mother. His _mother._

Yah.

That mother.

Intense look, eh?

"YOU'VE PISSED ME OFF FOR THE LAST TIME POTTER! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU AND YOUR STUPID FRIEND BLACK…BUT HE'S JUST THAT, EH? STUPID! BUT YOU'RE NOT…OH NO…YOU ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A BLOKE MAD! YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU NO ACCOUNT, MERLIN DAMN-"

"Hey Amos," called the other Beater on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, "Practice tomorrow at eight?"

"Yep. But be there extra for warm up," said Amos calmly, cool as a cucumber, "see you later Steve."

Steve walked away with a wave. James started to get up, figuring that Amos had gotten over whatever it was that pissed him off. But just as he got into a standing position the Hufflepuff threw him to the ground again and started it up.

"WHERE THE BLEEDING HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? DO YOU THINK I'M JUST GONNA LET YOU RUN ROUND HOGWARTS AFTER WHAT YOU DID?!"

By now many students were exiting the Great Hall, anxious to see exactly James Potter was up to now.

Lily, with her prefect badge glowing majestically, decided it was time to intervene.

"Umm…excuse me? Amos? Mr. Diggory?"

Amos turned around sternly, still pointing a warning finger at James.

"What??" he barked.

"Umm…not that I don't admire your yelling skills…after all, it is my own person hobby to yell at James-"

"Get to the point, Evans."

"Uh…what exactly did Ja-Potter, yes I mean Potter…what did he _do_?"

"What did he do?! What did he do?!?" shouted Amos, now sounding entirely histarical, "He stole my girlfriend from me that's what!"

"How….oh!" exclaimed Kathleen, "riiiiight! You're going out with Hayley…or _were _rather…yeah, and then she's liked James for ages…probably fell for his profound snogging skills…I mean not that I know or anything…I've never snogged him…"

"Digging a bigger hole…"muttered Lily, in regard to the I'm-completely-lost-in-thought Kathleen, the I'm-so-bloody-mad-look-at-my-face-turn-purple Amos and the for-the-love-of-Merlin's-dear-old-grandma-Harriet-please-shut-up James.

"..though I did walk in on him shagging Mary Macdonald once….he looked like he'd be good…I'm not to sure…now Mary-whew! She did look like she was having a good time…boy, _that _was an awkward conversation…"

"We're just gonna go!" said Lily, grabbing the still mumbling Kathleen by the arm and heading into the emptying Great Hall, "you continue the Potter torture-AND HAVE FUN! Most important rule of all!"

"Lily-Billy!" moaned James before he was cut off by more Amos-ranting.

"Now of course I don't know if I'd ever sleep with him…that be going a bit far…I sleep with Sirius…that'd be a riot…"

"Kathleen."

"Hmm?"

"Please shut up."

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-

The Great Hall is a gorgeous place to be. The marble walls sparkle and the huge windows make the place feel just-like-home. The grand tables and golden cutlery are just more to add to the overall effect of this truly beautiful eating area. Everything: from the floating candles, to the enchanted ceiling is just…great.

But when it's empty, except for two girls in the middle of the Gryffindor table…it can get pretty lonely.

"Even the _teachers_ are watching that stupid fight!"

Silence.

"Even the bloody _ghosts _are watching!"

Silence.

"Even bleeding _Professor Binns _is watching!!"

Minutes pass in silence.

"I hate my life," said Kathleen, grabbing another chicken wing.

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-

Kathleen and Lily came into the common room after they finished their homework in the library. They were surprised to see James and Sirius, still alive, sitting by the fire playing chess.

They went to go ask how the two of them survived but they were blown backwards when they got within 5 feet of them.

"SHEILD CHARM!" yelled James without looking uo from his game.

"You know what!" shouted Lily determinedly, "I am tired, and socially awkward, and I just really want to go to bed." She stood up on the nearest chair and yelled.

"LEND ME YOUR EARS, FRIENDS, AND GRYFFINDORS-IT IS MY HORRIBLE DUTY TO ANNOUNCE THAT JAMES POTTER WON TODAY'S SNOG-A-THON. I THANK YOU!"

Lily got down off the chair and marched to the girl's staircase while everyone else rubbed their ears.

**A/N: I just finished watching the movie One Week, starring Joshua Jackson.**

**Blind-blowing. Fan-bloody-tastic!! **

**As a Canadian…holy shit…un-expressible.**

**That's how I feel this very second.**

**:)**

**It's 9:52 in the GTA right now.**

**8:52 in Winnipeg.**

**7:52 in Calgary.**

…**.crazy.**

**School starts in tomorrow**

**FML**


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